Big Island of Hawaii, I Thank You. My Story - Part 3

 This was our first home.  All 1050 sf. of it.  Ours. Where my oldest 2 lost their first teeth.  All the kids caught frogs and lizards.  Not to mention lice and pin worms.  Middle kiddo learned to ride a bike.  On a dirt road.  The dryer ate our towels and died.  Therefore causing us to make use of air drying.  

Ah, the memories. 

I've been to Maui, Oahu and Kauai.  None of them compare to the Big Island.  The moment we are picked up by my parents and drive, all my visions of "Paradise" are so not what I am experiencing.  Yes, there are the palm trees, warm tropical wind and dark skinned natives.  What there is not is, well, Hawaii.  The Hawaii that I had experienced was not dry, lava laden, or desert like.

All I can think, when we get to the house my parents rented, was my kids are going to be torn up and get staph infection from all the lava rock laying around!  It could happen.  Hubs signed up for the Carpenters union and I applied to take the test to get licensed in HI for Massage.  Such was our plan.  Build.  Massage.  Make money.  Make a new life.

We stayed on the Kona side of the island in a area know as Ocean View.  Our Pastor connected us with a older couple that he knew and we went to church with them a few times.  Then, the arrangement my dad had with his brother, that lived there changed.  The deal was that Dad and his bro were going to build a house and sell it.  Well that happened and my uncle moved with his girl friend off island, for family related issues.  I'm still not sure if he got any thing from the sale.

New plan.  Move to the other side of the island.  Where property cost is lower.  After a month or two of living in Ocean View, we moved to Keau'u and we stayed with the parents for a while, paid rent, Hubs got a job offer and decided dad was better suited for the job.  Dad became project manager and Hubs hired on as a carpenter.   Some where in the midst the parents bought a house and we occupied 2 of the 3 rooms.  Yup.  Cozy.

I was miserable.  Me and the dad would clash at times.  He has control issues.  I had confrontation issues.  I cried in bed at night.  I hated being dependent yet again on my parents for my future.  I've always been pretty independent and having put myself in this situation was killing me.  I think my cries included, "I don't even want to be here!!!  Why did we think this was a good idea!? and We need to rent a house!"

I did become apart of a home school co-op, after deciding I didn't want my kids to experience any racial prejudice within the public school system there. I made some friends and the kids loved making new friends too.  I even taught a music appreciation class for K-3rd graders.  Fun.  Then we meet one of my friends hubby, who was a mortgage broker.  He taught me how to paint.  Anyway, Dad and Broker get hubs and I hooked on the idea of buying a house.

Things were going pretty good.  Hubs got paid well.  I passed the exam, got my license, found a job and we found a wonderful church.  We dreamed big.  We could find a place to fix up and flip.  This was our mission.  We didn't walk into this decision blind.  We had taken classes on home buying, understood some lingo and deep down knew we shouldn't be buying a home.  We even talked to the minister over finance at our new awesome church and he advised that, in his exact words, "You  should wait a year and the market will come down.  Then it will be a buyers market and you'll have the ball in your court."

Sure.  Sounds good.  We didn't listen.  Yikes.  Big mistake.  We got into a house at twice its value, with twice the amount of interest, which means twice the amount of a payment.  Uh oh.  In x amount of years if we didn't refinance by then the payments would continue to increase.  Man.  We are toast.

Yes, it was a fixer upper and if we could get a construction loan we could finish the first level but the kicker is we didn't want the type of loan we got.  The hubs was not aware of either the doctoring of the wages until the day we went to go sign.  How you say?  Not sure on that but I think he just wanted to make me happy and truly believed we could pull this off.  Buying, after all is always a good investment.  Right?

BTW, in the interim we joined a small group that met in our neighbor hood and miracle number one happened.  God sent my hubs an accountability partner.  Not only was he experienced in SA counseling/group therapy but also, believed the hubs to be sent by God to him as a person who could speak truth into his life as well.  What an incredible blessing!  This eased one of my many fears.  That he would become an island and have no accountability.  We became fast friends with this couple and shared our burdens with one another.  I miss them.  They have moved back to the pacific northwest, however and we hope to reconnect with them, soon.

Also, I need to back up.  While we lived in AK, my mentor delivered a box full of resources.  Books.  Books on healing, restoration, deliverance, and hope.  We attacked this deal together.  Prayed fiercely.  Claimed our marriage, our children and our children's children for God's kingdom.  I never want to see my offspring ever experience this kind of heart ache, ever.  I believe this to be key, on top of the support we already had, to our relationship finding health again.  I love her.  Dearly.  She is a gift and prayer warrior.

Our time on the island, did in fact become a very treasured time.  Two years of solace.  I did share our story and hubs did as well.  We did so carefully and a few honored us with their friendships.  It was easy, as it could be, to share when it felt right.  We continued counseling in our new church as well.  I loved our time at this church.  I experienced worship and community on another level.  They incorporated the culture in service, dance, music, drama and art.  I miss this at times, too.

I hate to do this but there's going to be a part four.  Long posts aren't good.  It tends to lose the reader(s)?
Hope to "see" you here, Friday.  Mahalo.

Hawaii is Supposed to Be Paradise: Part 2 of My Story

The church that we were apart of, at the time, was tremendously helpful in our journey to healing.  We both went to counseling for the year, paid for by the church.  We received 2 months severance, from the church.  I went back to work a month later.  Great Job by the way!  My women's group brought meals, mom's from playgroup would watch our kids while we went to counseling and later, when I would visit hubs in jail.

We did come to a agreement outside of court and decided not to go to trial.  During the weeks that his lawyer met with hubs.  Sharing 3rd party with his bro and my ex bro-in-law (EBIL) became my solace.  I had to be around him 24/7.  It was very nerve racking.  He got to work with my EBIL and that saved us financially.  He would have bro dates when his bro wasn't working.  So grateful.

I remember thinking I have to be in the same room with him.  He can't be out of my sight.  If he's peeing I need to be close enough to hear him pee.  Freaked me out if he took out the garbage.  To this day I don't know how I got through 6 months of this.  I think I checked out most of the time.  The mind was numb.

The day came to hear the sentence and face the young woman's family.  Convicted of a misdemeanor, he was to serve 3 months in jail.  30 days knocked of for good behavior, he served 2 months.  After wards he would be on a semi-probation.  Basically, no contact with 'her' but no probation officer or mandatory check ins.  Also, the biggest of all, registering.  If we stayed in AK, since it was his first offense, he would have to register 15 years.

I wish he didn't.  I know I can't defend him in any way but this just sucks on so many levels.  Warning: All sexually related acts are consider sex offenses.  So, if you pee and some one sees your junk and reports you.  Yup.  You'll have to register.  If convicted.  So, despite that this act was consensual, the law sees hubs as a predator.  This is why I hate fear. 

I visited him every week, stress helped me lose weight, prayed A LOT and when release time came we decided we needed a new start.  Even though he was attending a SA group, we were in counseling and had tons of support, we decided to go to Hawaii.  Where my dad wanted to build houses.  On the Big Island.  It's a lot like Alaska.  Mostly uninhabited and remote.

I was against it.  Hell-a scared.  Did some research.  No support groups or SA counselors.  We would be walking into the unknown.  I had a really good job and he was working.  We would have been OK.  Despite the ever present sting every time we stepped out into the community.  So we willingly traded that for No jobs.  No friends.  No Support.  Did I mention NO support?  I gave in stepped up and said OK.  It's Hawaii after all, paradise and I love Hawaii.

We sold all our stuff and we had some nice stuff.  Due to the oil revenue.  Dividends paid for our nice furniture.  This year they paid for shipping. Our family and the parents shipped trailers over with beds and belongings.  Shipped our van.  We left AK the night of winters first snow fall.  Whew.  That was close.  I'd never been to the Big Island.  Boy was I in for a shock.

I should have listened to my first gut instinct.  This said in hind sight but I don't regret going.  Funny. I think I'm going to stop there.  This could get long.  Saving more for Thursday.