Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Hawaii is Supposed to Be Paradise: Part 2 of My Story

The church that we were apart of, at the time, was tremendously helpful in our journey to healing.  We both went to counseling for the year, paid for by the church.  We received 2 months severance, from the church.  I went back to work a month later.  Great Job by the way!  My women's group brought meals, mom's from playgroup would watch our kids while we went to counseling and later, when I would visit hubs in jail.

We did come to a agreement outside of court and decided not to go to trial.  During the weeks that his lawyer met with hubs.  Sharing 3rd party with his bro and my ex bro-in-law (EBIL) became my solace.  I had to be around him 24/7.  It was very nerve racking.  He got to work with my EBIL and that saved us financially.  He would have bro dates when his bro wasn't working.  So grateful.

I remember thinking I have to be in the same room with him.  He can't be out of my sight.  If he's peeing I need to be close enough to hear him pee.  Freaked me out if he took out the garbage.  To this day I don't know how I got through 6 months of this.  I think I checked out most of the time.  The mind was numb.

The day came to hear the sentence and face the young woman's family.  Convicted of a misdemeanor, he was to serve 3 months in jail.  30 days knocked of for good behavior, he served 2 months.  After wards he would be on a semi-probation.  Basically, no contact with 'her' but no probation officer or mandatory check ins.  Also, the biggest of all, registering.  If we stayed in AK, since it was his first offense, he would have to register 15 years.

I wish he didn't.  I know I can't defend him in any way but this just sucks on so many levels.  Warning: All sexually related acts are consider sex offenses.  So, if you pee and some one sees your junk and reports you.  Yup.  You'll have to register.  If convicted.  So, despite that this act was consensual, the law sees hubs as a predator.  This is why I hate fear. 

I visited him every week, stress helped me lose weight, prayed A LOT and when release time came we decided we needed a new start.  Even though he was attending a SA group, we were in counseling and had tons of support, we decided to go to Hawaii.  Where my dad wanted to build houses.  On the Big Island.  It's a lot like Alaska.  Mostly uninhabited and remote.

I was against it.  Hell-a scared.  Did some research.  No support groups or SA counselors.  We would be walking into the unknown.  I had a really good job and he was working.  We would have been OK.  Despite the ever present sting every time we stepped out into the community.  So we willingly traded that for No jobs.  No friends.  No Support.  Did I mention NO support?  I gave in stepped up and said OK.  It's Hawaii after all, paradise and I love Hawaii.

We sold all our stuff and we had some nice stuff.  Due to the oil revenue.  Dividends paid for our nice furniture.  This year they paid for shipping. Our family and the parents shipped trailers over with beds and belongings.  Shipped our van.  We left AK the night of winters first snow fall.  Whew.  That was close.  I'd never been to the Big Island.  Boy was I in for a shock.

I should have listened to my first gut instinct.  This said in hind sight but I don't regret going.  Funny. I think I'm going to stop there.  This could get long.  Saving more for Thursday.


Bossy Betty said...

Went back and read Part One and just read this. Thanks for posting this. It's brave and will help more people than you will ever know....

Tylaine said...

You are so courageous to share your story. I'm reading intently and anxious to find out what happened. God Bless!

The Bipolar Diva said...

Oh I miss Hawaii so much! Mahalo for the posts :)

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