Sunday, January 13, 2008

So, I woke up this morning with that forbiden longing once again!
You know what I'm talking about right? I had a dream, a reaccuring one, that I was pregnant. Now I know, that in my mind, that this is a physical impossibility due to protective measures done 3 years ago. I had 3 great pregnancies and a miscarriage in between Silas and Jaeden. All of which I am very greatful, how God blessed us with the children we do have.
I just always come back to this feeling of wanting more children and I don't think that it is something that I can help. My subconsience will continue to work this out, I think, until I pass child bearing years. As crazy as it sounds and is. I love having children! Part of me misses the infant stage, and all that goes with it. The other part of me is glad to be over with diapers, baby food, sleepless nights, etc.
I have asked God to help me with this many times. It seems like either I am holding on to that a little too tightly or God isn't hearing me?! These dreams are just dreams and may not mean anything but they have happened enough times that they make me think on it alittle more. I do have a tendency to make more out of things than what they are too. It doesn't torment me on a daily basis like it used to and I have accepted on some level, that we have the kids we are meant to have. I am thankful for our miracles.
Even though, I would like it if Jaeden had a younger sibling. Poor guy always seems to be left out more times than not when his older brother and sister play together. They deliberately don't want him to be apart of what they are doing! I know this will change as they get older. I guess, maybe I need to channel this energy into caring for other peoples babies at church or something?

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